


our melodrama in various replays

by jihwannaone (hongpikachu)



Category: MXM (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: 25 lifetimes AU, 25 lives AU, Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Maybe some smut in the future, because well we have to die to be born again, just implied smut soon maybe, ponyopaca, youngpo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 03:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/jihwannaone
Summary: in the lifetimes that sewoon threatens to kill youngmin, and in the lifetimes he doesn't remember, he is always, always forgiven as youngmin chases to look for him and love him every single time





	our melodrama in various replays

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo this is the 25 lifetimes au that i posted on twitter and youngpo won the poll so here it is! i know a lot of marvelous fics with the AU and i hope mine would also do justice >< have fun reading!

**1**

  
Rain pours heavily on the city and Youngmin huffs out a small curse to himself, afraid of being heard by the elders for being uneducated (although he literally is). He can feel some of the ground’s rainwater seeping through the holes of his slippers. He visibly shivers at the feeling of cold wind on his damp skin and as if on cue, he hears a shaky breath beside him.

 

“Sewoon-ah, come closer.” He motions to the other and wraps an arm around the shorter figure’s shoulders, hoping to give off warmth as much as to receive some for himself. However, he didn’t expect this kind of warmth from Sewoon.

 

“You have a fever.” He says with a frown, and yet he looks at Sewoon who manages to smile despite the suffering his body has to endure. “It’s okay, I’ll get better tomorrow. I want to see hyung today.” Sewoon manages to say, and Youngmin suddenly couldn’t find the heart to scold him.

 

It was silence for a while, the sound of raindrops hitting concrete becoming louder by the second accompanied by the rustling of leaves from the violent winds. Underneath a bridge was probably not the warmest place they could be, yet it was safe enough for the both of them who had nowhere to go.

 

“Hyung…” Sewoon croaks with slight difficulty, eyelids drooping which adds to his already sleepy look. Youngmin hums out a reply, tearing his gaze away to look at the scenery before them as the sight of the younger in his current state is enough to make him cry.

 

“I love you. You know that, right?” Cold fingers intertwine with the older’s long ones, and it was times like these when Youngmin wishes for time to stop for him, for Sewoon, for the both of them. Suddenly the sound of the rain was muffled, overlapped by the sound of his own beating heart.

 

He was young, and much more was Sewoon. The world was still a whole lot of possibilities to explore, they had a lot of dreams ahead of them, but at the tender age of eleven, Youngmin was still trying to grasp the words that the nine-year-old Sewoon was telling him.

 

It was all vague if he loved him as a friend that helped each other get through the hardships of living in the streets.

 

It was all vague if he loved him as a brother who was there for him and protected him always, who treated him like family although they came from different wombs.

 

It was all vague if he loved him as something else, something more, something different, an idea that he was still too young and too confused to understand.

 

He had a lot of questions, but pushed everything at the back of his mind while promising to himself to ask Sewoon about this when the time is right.

 

Youngmin only hums out in agreement, and Sewoon falls asleep with his head rested on Youngmin’s shoulder. He wanted to tell Sewoon he loves him too and it didn’t matter what kind of love it was. He could have told Sewoon, but thought it was best to tell him when he’s awake and conscious of everything. For now, his priority is to take Sewoon home when the rain eases up.

 

-

 

The sun shone the next day as if no dark clouds touched the skies yesterday.

 

Youngmin decides to pay a visit to Sewoon’s turf with his young and naïve self holding the optimism that the latter will heal and that life will continue as normal for both of them.

 

Three days later he stands in front of Sewoon’s lifeless body in a makeshift casket, his and Sewoon’s family weeping for the loss. Being the only sibling figure, the still childish Youngmin stands to give a few words to the Sewoon who passed away. Despite the tears threatening to fall, he holds it in, trying to be as strong as the younger when he told him he loves him.

 

“I’m sorry, Sewoon-ah. When we become born again, I promise to look for you. I promise to tell you that I love you too. I’m really sorry, Sewoon-ah. Hyung should have told you…”

 

The rest of the day passed and he was inconsolable despite the efforts of his parents to enclose him in a warm embrace. He thinks about the promise he holds for Sewoon and that night he prays to whatever entity up above was watching over him, begging him to be with Sewoon in all of the lives they have to live.

 

**2**

 

For most part, Youngmin isn’t quite sure how he still remembers how things were in the past despite having to live a different life with different parents. It was absurd how everyone he tried to ask don’t remember a single thing about who they were in the past, and most of them never were open to the idea of it.

 

“Your majesty— “

 

“I told you, you can call me Sewoon unless my parents are around and you don’t want to be beheaded.”

 

The prince replies and the smile on his face was just as how he remembers it. And never did he imagine seeing Sewoon all grown up and yet here he is with broad shoulders and a serene face and it felt like just yesterday when they were both trying to survive in the slums.

 

“S-Sewoon-ah…” Youngmin starts, voice filled with hesitation. “Do you know who I am?”

 

“You’re Sir Youngmin, strongest and most hardworking of all knights. Silly, why are you asking such an obvious question?” Youngmin knows when Sewoon is lying or is pretending (like that time he lied about taking food from the castle pantry at three in the morning), and this was all candid and honest that his heart was a mix of emotions.

 

If this was him fulfilling his promise from back then, to find Sewoon in all of the lifetimes they will be living through, if fate was enough to tell him Sewoon is destined for him, he can only guess.

 

“Do you love me?”

 

The next question comes out on a whim, a gut instinct kind of move. Times like these are when Youngmin wishes he could have kept his mouth shut, push back all the questions that his eleven-year-old self has prepared throughout the decades that passed.

 

He looks at the ground in shame but the next thing he remembers is that his eyes were closed, a warm pair of lips crashing over his, molding carefully and cautiously. It started slow, testing the waters and moving with caution despite the heavily secluded privacy of the prince’s room, and then it got rough, pent up frustration and unspoken words being poured out in one passionate gesture, and then the rush ebbed as quickly as tides do. Pink tinted both of their cheeks and chests heaving for air that was lost.

 

No words were uttered that night, but it was a bittersweet end. Youngmin tucked the prince to bed and stayed outside his bedroom door for the rest of the night, chest still fluttering with glee while his stomach sinks with guilt.

 

He has loved Sewoon since the beginning of this lifetime, and Sewoon loved him since the day Youngmin set foot inside the castle. And yet, he knows that this isn’t the lifetime meant for them to be together. A love this forbidden in the kingdom is punishable by any law.

 

The night passes and dawn comes in the form of the sky turning to a lighter kind of blue but the dim and the stars still in sight. Youngmin has only four hours to sleep, pushing all worries to the side and telling himself that at least he has Sewoon in this lifetime.

 

\--

 

‘ _I’m sorry.’_

 

Sewoon mouths at him from the top of the tower. Youngmin looks up and thinks that the scorching heat of the summer sun isn’t as painful as knowing that his time for this life will be coming close to an end.

 

“For having forced the prince in a romantic affair…”

 

The words felt like thorns being shoved to his ear canal, being pushed inside centimeter by centimeter by the crowd’s jeering all around him. But his only focus until the end was the prince whose lips were pursed in a tight frown.

 

_‘I love you.’_

 

“For a servant such as yourself seducing a member of the royal family…”

 

He sees Sewoon mouth again, and that in itself was enough to bring him peace. If it was his life to be ended instead of Sewoon’s for his careless mistake of being so recklessly in love, then he thinks that dying here and now would not be in vain.

 

‘ _Find me in the next lifetime.’_

 

“Sir Youngmin, now no longer strongest and most hardworking, will be publicly executed as stated by the orders of his royal highness, the king.”

 

His entire body goes numb. If it was in preparation for what was to come, or if it was because it already came to him, it did not matter anymore. The pain was sharp and quick, and yet death seems to come to him quite slowly as his surroundings start to blur. There was blood and he doesn’t know how it happened or where it came from. All that mattered was that he gets to see Sewoon one last time.

 

’ _Please…’_

 

Youngmin’s pain disappears and the world becomes dark.

 

**3**

 

“Prepare the cannons. They will be striking at dawn. Don’t let your guard down.”

 

Fifteen years seated in the throne and the famous pacifist king Im Youngmin finally finds himself in the face of war from the other kingdom. It felt as if his three years of negotiation for the territory in the north were for naught. He wanted to be a king who never resorts to war at whatever cost there is, but his people need provision as the population grows. He can’t let them be in poverty.

 

It was evening and the meal before him didn’t look as appetizing as usual as guilt fills him up to the core. Yet even in his final moments of peace, he wonders if Sewoon is out there safe and sound in a different kingdom.

 

“Your majesty?”

 

His thoughts were shaken off by a knock followed by a figure peeking behind the door. “Woojin, come in and share a feast with me. It’s gonna be a tough night.” He gestures for the figure to come over and come over he did. Woojin took a seat across the king after he bowed, lips pursed in thought before he speaks.

 

“Your majesty, they may arrive earlier than we expect. Spies have passed on the message that they’re already on the move. I’ve already warned the knights and they’re already wai— “

 

“Thank you, Woojin-ah. You’ve worked hard. Please have some dinner. You need your strength up for the night.”

 

The young knight’s face was that of disbelief, and yet he never could dare turn down the king’s orders even if he felt like he wasn’t worthy to dine in the king’s table. He gives the king a bow and the food a short prayer before he starts to eat as if he hasn’t eaten in days.

 

Youngmin smiles at the sight.

 

\--

 

The stars were bright up above and there was silence dead in the night save for the sound of crickets and cicadas in the summer. There was hardly any breeze to be felt but rather only short and light wisps that cause leaves to rustle.

 

Nobody knew what time it was, only they could estimate that it was about three in the morning when hooves rhythmically and violently thud on the ground. Knights look at each other, faces behind their headgear painted in confusion (though some with a smug smile of sorts).

 

“Don’t let your guard down. This could be an ambush.” With nerves hardened to steel, the king tells his troops, knuckles turning white by gripping on the improvised crop too tightly. In desperation, he talks to himself of the plan: talk it out first, wait for the enemy to give the first strike, only fight back when needed, take less lives but more prisoners.

 

And yet, no ritual could calm the hammering of his heart as soon as he sees the figure on the other side of the bridge. Shining under the moonlight was beautifully-crafted armor and eyes dazed yet determined.

 

_Find me in the next lifetime, please._

 

Those words haunt him and he remembers the sharp pain from eons ago. He remembers the way Sewoon looked at him with soft, brown eyes that were full of longing. The Sewoon in front of him now was still handsome as ever with his brown eyes, and yet he sees no softness in it.

 

“Sewoon?”

 

And then it hits him, all the things they said about the ruler of the far north, looking gentle yet deep down in his heart he is ruthless, and even more merciless in war. King Jung Sewoon, ruler of the kingdom of eternal winter. How Youngmin overlooked everything, he did not know.

 

“Do you remember me?”

 

Everything was in slow motion, yet it doesn’t register in his head how Sewoon reaches for his sword and raises it. Maybe deep down inside him he hoped that this would be the lifetime where he and Sewoon would be together, that Sewoon remembers the Youngmin that was a knight, the Youngmin that was with him in the slums.

 

The king of the west knew better than to let his emotions get the best of him in the midst of battle, that his people always comes first before anything else, so he raises his sword as well, signaling the trap to be activated.

 

Arrows were flying in all directions and a large makeshift net was cast where the other party was standing. It was all too quick, but the last thing Youngmin sees was an arrow that got past Sewoon’s armor plate. And despite the bleeding and the quick effects of the poison, a smile graced Sewoon’s lips.

 

“Alas, I have underestimated the kindness of such a king.” He managed to croak as he sees Youngmin peer from the other side of the net. The other doesn’t manage to say anything as his own men take the injured and bind their limbs.

 

“But there is no such thing as kindness in war, dear king.” Those were the last words Sewoon spoke, and then Youngmin’s world began to spin. His muscles started to constrict and before he knew it, he was paralyzed. Woojin rushes to his side, screaming in frustration as he tries to shake Youngmin back to movement.

 

Everything was numb. Youngmin never felt the sharp stinging pain when Woojin took out the poisoned dart on his nape. He didn’t feel anything when the people started to carry him to their camp’s makeshift infirmary. He didn’t feel the presses on his muscles, the tears that land on his skin.

 

But he feels his heart beat slowly, counting away the beats it could give before the poison freezes it. And even if he wanted to, he couldn’t smile at the irony. A war where both kings fell, a war where nobody wins, a war that would be written in every history book’s pages. It amused him to think that he only got to encounter Sewoon in this life in his last few moments.

 

And for the painless way that he died, he thanks Sewoon and looks forward to their next meeting.

 

**4**

 

Youngmin’s greatest dream when he was in the slums was to take a whiff of Europe’s fresh air, yet he doesn’t think he would be actually living the dream and remember it. Although his mom refused to talk about how the two of them ended up in one of England’s modest cities, he was still thankful to have had the chance to stay for a long time.

 

That was when he was eight.

 

Now that he’s fifteen, he realizes how much of a struggle it is for people from Asia to live in a city inhabited by the Westerners. And instead of breathing fresh air, he spends most of his days in a cramped-up brick chimney inhaling particles of soot.

 

 

“Hurry up, lad! We ain’t payin’ you fine money for slow service.”

 

He hears his client shout, who's already-booming voice echoes far more louder in the confines of the compressed structure. He comes out afterwards, skin glistening in sweat coated with a thin layer of dark dust. He holds back a cough (as it was common courtesy, he was told) and accepts the three coins given to him, then goes to look for another chimney to sweep.

 

His suspenders dangle as low as his heart sinks with each passing day he gets to live like this. _“So long as this puts food on the table,”_ he thinks with each and every cleaned chimney, each and every penny and dime he collects for him to buy no less than five clumps of what seems to be bread, so that each time he comes home, he can see his mother waiting for him with a smile on her face.

 

\--

 

At twenty-five years old, he lies on a hospital bed. It wasn’t too fancy and yet it felt much warmer than the one he has at home. It doesn’t, however, ease the bruising pain he feels everytime he coughs, nor does it make him easier to breathe.

 

Access to healthcare wasn’t easy, but despite his numerous questions and protests, his mom tells him that it will be fine and that his health always comes first. He missed the way that her smile never reaches her cheeks and tries to believe that all of this is for the best.

 

On his fifth day in the hospital, a patient took the bed next to his. He never paid mind the patients going in and out and staying in the room, only giving them a greeting whenever necessary and sometimes engage in a conversation if the other party initiates. But it was different for the newcomer in the ward for no more than fifteen.

 

Although the boy was nearly the same age as he is, it looked like he was at most in his late teens, an innocent smile splayed on his face despite the visible dark circles and bags on his eyes.

 

“What was the diagnosis for you?”

 

This boy was educated, Youngmin knew immediately at the way he spoke English with only a slight hint of the Korean accent. Not wanting to trouble the boy, he planned to reply in Korean, only that he never had a clue what the Korean word for Bronchitis is (so he just says “cough” and Sewoon laughs at the simplistic answer).

 

Sewoon had lung cancer, probably from the inhalation of the smoke emitted by his father’s cigar, and though his immune system was deteriorating day by day, he still talked and smiled like he was to be discharged within the day.

 

“I’m glad you’re willing to converse with a mere chimney sweeper like me.”

 

“You live an honorable life, hyung. Your mom is proud of you. I wish my parents were proud of me too.”

 

“I’m proud of you.” (“I’m glad to have met you here too, and I love you,” was what he wanted to say but opted to leave the rest out for the next lifetime when they meet.)

 

And just as if fate has intended for them to be happy in this lifetime, they died on the same day.

 

Sewoon passed away first.

 

It was a fine Thursday morning and both of them woke up for they had difficulty breathing. Yet, despite the struggle, Sewoon still breathed out a laugh while staring at the sunrise through the window.

 

“I’ll go back to sleep.” He says in a hoarse voice, and he takes one more breath while closing his eyes before it all ends. Maybe it was all instinct, maybe he felt the other end of his wavelength getting lost, but Youngmin did know immediately that that was Sewoon’s last breath.

 

Surprisingly, he did not shed any tears. If anything, he was much more relieved now that the younger is finally free from suffering and is able to breathe easy after all those years. The passing hours felt slow and all he did was keep Sewoon in his thoughts.

 

At two in the afternoon, Youngmin had a coughing fit that was worse than his usual. His throat was gashed and there was a hint of blood splattered on the supposedly clean sheets. His mother was out to buy his medicine and he was too weak to call for a nurse. The rest of the patients in the ward paid no mind, but Youngmin didn’t spite them for that.

 

Glancing at the empty bed where Sewoon was lying hours ago, he smiles for one last time, exhaling what seems to be a confession of love, too inaudible to be heard but still hopeful that it reaches the heavens.

 

At the tender age of twenty-five, Youngmin passed away.

 

**5**

 

Busan was just as beautiful as Youngmin remembers it. The air was fresher than Europe and there was always something comforting about seeing more greens than that of dull concrete and soot-filled chimneys and degrading stares from the bourgeoisie.

 

Although his home was just a tad less humble than the one he had back in the west, it was warmer during the winter and the air was peaceful and fresh during the summer. His childhood was spent running on meadows and getting all kinds of dirt on his skin with a bunch of friends, grinning from ear to ear.

 

But growing up means he’d have to run some more: run towards his dreams, run to catch up with society’s fast pace and high expectations, run away from the tear gas while keeping his advocacy intact with his morals. At least that’s what he thinks as he shouts with all his might along with college students his age who’s chosen to take fewer subjects and looser schedules.

 

On mornings, he’d have to carry heavy textbooks and strain his hands taking down notes before their professors could erase the mathematical equations on the board after a not-so-thorough discussion on the topic. But on early afternoons he’d carry large placards and straining his throat, shouting along with whatever their leader says.

 

Today wasn’t an exception as he again shouts for the administration and the government to lower tuition fees and offer more scholarships, and if he was only too engrossed in the movement he wouldn’t pay mind to the hand tapping on his shoulder and raising voices with him. He stares at the male who just joined the crowd and somehow made his way beside Youngmin, passionately trying to get their advocacy heard.

 

Somehow, Youngmin’s heart skipped beats at the sight of Sewoon being so full of energy and passionate.

 

Then it skips beats a little longer when he realizes they were holding hands and running away to anywhere they could, fighting through the sea of people with little visibility while trying to not inhale too much of the tear gas. Running without breathing wasn’t easy, but it’s safe to say that Sewoon did take Youngmin’s breath away as they ran.

 

\--

 

“Are you Gabriel? Am I in heaven?”

 

The melody of Sewoon’s small giggle equates to that, or is probably even so much more to the glory of a song sung by the choirs of angels in heaven.

 

“No. I’m not Gabriel, but I was sent here on Earth to protect an angel like you.”

 

Regardless if it was from the tear gas or the disarming smile in front of him, Youngmin felt lightheaded and probably a little too excited at the possibility of this being the lifetime when finally, finally Sewoon would remember him.

 

“Do you… know me?”

 

He spoke slowly, trying not to sound too imposing for the other, and he swears he can feel his face light up from delight as Sewoon nods, laughing afterwards.

 

“Who wouldn’t know you when you always rank first in the Engineering department, sunbaenim?”

 

“Ah… Right…” He makes an effort for his disappointment not to show, but his embarrassment was easily given away by how his smile coils back to pursed lips all the while the tips of his ears and apples of his cheeks turn red just as quickly.

 

“You didn’t seem like the type to be in things like these, hyung. Wait, is it alright if I call you hyung? I’m Sewoon by the way, Jung Sewoon, an Engineering freshman!”

 

Youngmin doesn’t miss the way Sewoon’s cheeks dust with pink (despite being thinly covered by a layer of dirt), the view from the younger’s lap making the blush clear underneath the broad daylight. To fit on the creases of Sewoon’s lap, and maybe finding out later on that their fingers intertwine just perfectly like the right puzzle pieces makes him smile, and he thanks all the deities up in the heavens for giving him an ending that isn’t of betrayal or of disease.

 

 

_( **to be continued...** )_

**Author's Note:**

> scream with me at twitter (@jihwannaone) [also because i post my regular screaming of this work there] ^^ and also feel free to give a kudos or drop by with your comments, questions, and violent reactions :D 
> 
> thank you to those who have voted for the pairing! i hope i didn't disappoint you ><


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